Beware of Social Saboteurs

I was asked recently on a radio interview what some people do to sabotage their chances for finding romance. I had to talk fast because there were a lot of things I wanted to say but here are just a few:

One of the biggest mistakes women make is to stay home, afraid that going out alone is too risky, too embarrassing, or too lonely. And they wonder why they don’t meet anyone. Get out of the house, and get out of your shell. Go places – the theatre, a wine tasting, a cooking class, a reunion – any place where you can talk to people. It doesn’t matter if everyone else is “coupled up”; you never know what their circumstances are (or aren’t). And besides, it’s just conversation.

Another thing people do is to disclose too much too soon. Dumping one’s old baggage into the middle of the conversation to muck around in isn’t fun for anyone. Maybe they’ll think your baggage is just too heavy to carry.

Social saboteurs crop up all too frequently but they can be avoided with a little insight.

Here are a few:

  • If you’re talking to someone, be present and make eye contact. Don’t let your eyes roam the room for someone better to speak with.
  • If you’re interested in getting to know someone, give them a chance to tell you who they are. Don’t fill the conversation with information about yourself. Draw them out.
  • If you want someone to get to know you better, make it easy. Don’t put up obstacles to conversation or make it a challenge to get you to open up. You don’t have to reveal deep dark secrets, but you can share the highlights with enthusiasm.

Remember, don’t try to make the overture the entire symphony. It’s just flirting – a conversation starter – and to burden the moment with too much pressure will certainly bring it to a quick end. Better to keep it light, and keep it fun.